I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
