Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
