This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
