fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
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Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I party with great urgency now.
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