Already got asked if we're dating
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
