I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just want to make out with him forever
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
