I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
