before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
