We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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