That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
