Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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