So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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