Sry I called you an 8
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
