I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
