he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
