hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I faked an abortion last night.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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