dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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