p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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