she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
