Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
