i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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