I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
