I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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