I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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