I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
