Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
