Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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