O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
