I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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