Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
