matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
