the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
