I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
