Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
sarcasm needs its own font
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
