Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
