can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
