When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
