He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
