hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
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see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize