im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We talked him into tasing himself.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
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You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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