She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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