Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Sorry about my life...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
