where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
