I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
