Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
