i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
im holly from the hills drunk
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's never too late to be topless.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
