if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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