Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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