i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
