barbara walters just said penis...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I AM VODKA MAN
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
