i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
