dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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