Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
