There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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