God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My dick has a subreddit
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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