i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
