Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
