Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
