she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
