my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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