all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
