wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
