I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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