Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
