so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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