The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also, beer. Big fan.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
