You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
