a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
