I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
