I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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