can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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