i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize