Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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