I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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